Long Distance Relationships, & why they never work.

The first two words should answer the question above. I’ve been there (yeah, trust me), and it’s not a walk in the park. There are a bunch of key signs that would pretty much define a long distance relationship. Get ready, this might not agree with your definition, so if it doesn’t, just fuck off eh?

If you’re in a relationship right now, read this. You might be in a long distance one, my friend. Here are some signs. 🙂

  1. You live at least 4 cities apart from him/her.
  2. It takes more than 15 minutes (without traffic) for you to get to his/her house.
  3. You plan your date with him/her weeks before you intend for it to take place.
  4. You see each other not more than twice in a week.
  5. There’s a huge communication gap between you two. (not really a sign. haha)
  6. Your sex life is below average. (depends on what your average is)
  7. You budget 50% of your money for commuting, or gas money.
  8. You’re always the one who goes to his/her place, or at least, a place where it’s easy for you two to meet up.
  9. It’s raining over your place, and the sun is shining over his/her place. Works both ways.
  10. You carry a bag that has at least 3 clothing items, and your not even going to  do anything athletic… so to speak.

Now, not all ten may apply. But if you happen to get at least 4 of them, you are in a long distance relationship. Don’t fret, now, my friend. I’m not saying that the relationship will never work, just ‘coz it’s a long distance one. It might have a chance that it’ll work. No matter how small it is. Yeah yeah yeah, I’m a witness, and sometimes a victim, to some failed long distance relationships. But that shouldn’t stop you from doing what’s right. So here’s a few things to keep in mind. Take notes, grasshoppa.


A BIG word. A BIG responsibility. It’s when you simply drop everything for that person just to be with him/her. You sacrifice your work, or your studies, or even your relationship with your family and/or friends just to be with him/her. Why is sacrifice such a big thing? Well, you do this because you’re about to accept the consequences ahead unknowingly. Good or bad, every sacrifice is a big thing. It has different effects to every person involved. So please, think before sacrificing (yeah, i’m kind of talking to you greedy ancient warlords).

Give & Take

You can agree that there’s always a Giver & a Taker in a relationship, especially in a long distance relationship. Heck, in a long distance one, there’s an occasional restriction where you can’t be both. So you have to constantly remind yourself, which of these two are you? Personally, i’m a giver. Not a consistent one, but hell, I give more than I take. A little effort here and there, and he/she might notice that he/she should do the same thing.


Oh come on, don’t tell me you’ve never lied before? Hahahaha! I’m joking (half-meant, my friends).

The simple ones like: “i’m not going to get drunk don’t worry” & “i’ll be home early I swear”

… are my top favorites, I still drink ’til I drop, and go home early… in the morning. SORRY. 😀

The complex but sugar-coated ones like:

“i’m just out with my friends, no other guys/girls. you know you’re my only one” & “I’ll look but I won’t touch, I swear. It’s just an innocent night out with my friends. Trust me, alright? ‘Coz I trust you.”

… are so caramelized, you wouldn’t even notice the expiration date.

That’s just some of the things I learned with every long distance relationship I’ve ever been in. This is just a public service announcement from a dude who experienced this more than once. Twice. Ok, thrice. Whatever. Hahahahahaha!


Dude. Seriously. No.


About mrjuantamad

Have you been reading my shit? Well, no need to fill this up then.

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