There are things that I’ve been specific about when it comes to my vulnerability. I’ve never liked being able to tear my walls down and be exposed since people expect so much more of me. Believe this, that when the time comes to build new walls, someone out there will find a way to unintentionally demolish them. So I guess, with the exception of clowns, my deepest fear is that I’m prone to being vulnerable and I’m afraid that someone will take advantage of it.
This is a queer thing to write about because of its irony. I’m writing about being a skinless man, doused in honey, while being hog-tied to a pole on top of an ant hill. Figuratively, of course. This is my first post in a long, long while and I find it really funny that I haven’t done this weeks ago.
I’ve come to a situation in my life where I got vulnerable. For the past few years, I thought I was a titan, or even a Greek God that didn’t care about what love is. Exaggeration aside, I was happy that I was alone, a rarity these days if you ask me. I know what I wanted, and got it when I claimed it. But there will always be a part of me that’s going to want more. And this, my friends, is the story of how the walls of my godlike invulnerability came crashing down.
For two to three years, I’ve tried my best to just love what being single is all about. I’ve tried my best to show to everyone that a guy like me who has had relationships one after another in the past, can be alone for a long time and actually thrive in it. I’ve tried to give out the best kind of advice appropriate to the situation a friend is in. But why is it, when I thought that I might actually get out of it in one piece, a girl (or two) will just tear me down like a rejection letter from an Ivy league school?
I’m not actually hating on them, but you can say I’m bitter to a fault. I’d like to think that I’ve matured well enough to know what I should or should not do. I can say that despite my witty jokes, sound advice, and bad-mouth expressions, I’m still an emotional kid who didn’t know the right timing for big decisions. I’m going to skip all the nonsensical emotional bullshit that I’ve said in the past because it’s pathetic. It’s not me, I think…
I just want to be wanted by someone who would appreciate everything I’ve done and will do for them in the future. I just want to feel that kind of love that keeps you up all night not because it’s paired with insomnia, but because she actually liked staying up late with me.
But no, that’s not the kind of love I’ll get right now, and that’s not the kind of life I want to live right now. I’m probably in denial, but if happiness means that I have to put the same walls I had a few months ago, that I will do. Because I’m done with all the bullshit for now. It stinks. Now I’m cleaning house.
How sad is it that I’m back in front of my keyboard writing here in my blog again an hour after the fireworks started to light up the sky? Well, I’m scratching one off my New Year’s Resolution list right now. There will be times where I will stop from typing ‘coz there’s not much to say right now, and I call that my own version of a writer’s block. Let’s keep it simple, and just let me talk right now.
I just finished my glass of Vodka+Soda, and I’m itching for seconds because I can already smell the pre-heated Chili Con Carne from the microwave. It’s just a simple celebration here, but I bet we were the loudest. We celebrate New Year’s Eve just like we always did before. Few fireworks, banging the drum set, shooting tin cans using my dad’s pistol, and drinking alcohol (note: alcohol comes after everything else, if you feel like bashing me because I fired a gun).
Since I like making lists, let’s do my New Year’s Resolution. I’ll have to check this shit out again a year from now just so I could keep track of what I hit & missed this 2013. Let’s do this.
- Polish my cooking skills through learning the Italian cuisine. I’ve always wanted to improve this ever since I learned how to cook. Plus, whenever I watch Nigella Lawson cook Italian food, I… yeah, use your goddamn imagination.
- Learn how to be decent with a guitar or any instrument, really. I mean, I know the basics with the guitar and drums, but beyond that, I’m shit. This is something I should’ve done back when I was a kid, but it’s never too late to learn. Right?
- Get a stable flow of income. Come on, if anyone would like something stable in their lives, it has got to be the flow of their financial income. I want this. I feel like if I have this, I can do virtually anything I want to do with my life.
- Drastically improve my athleticism. I would probably fail on achieving this, but it’s worth a try. I honestly don’t know where to start. A healthier diet, or an intense training regimen. I’m a lazy dude, and that has got to stop now… I think.
- Learning a whole new different language, and try to be fluent with it. I pretty much think in Tagalog & English, wouldn’t it be nice if I could talk and think in… say, Swahili? Seriously though, this is more of an exciting thing for me to do rather than a challenge.
- Date a girl who I can be with the rest of my life… potentially speaking. This is something I never thought of doing back in 2012 since I made a pact with myself to stay single for the whole of it. Now I think it’s time to start looking for her. But then, you know, I’m only 21. Which leads me to…
- Don’t ever get married unless I get seven-to-eight digits without decimals in my bank account. I’ve made this argument in my head whether I should use Peso or Dollar for the currency, and honestly, I haven’t decided yet. Realistically speaking, I can do Peso. But if I were to be the over-achiever that I am not, I’d go with the USD. To my bros out there, if you can read this, this isn’t a bad rule to follow. Join me!
- Write more. This is kind of pointless, since I’m already doing it. But I do need to keep track of what I’m doing for the rest of 2013. Lucky for you, though, my faithful readers. You’d get to read more shit from me. BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
- With the SIN Tax just around the corner, it’s time to cut down on my vices. This goes hand-in-hand with me trying to get back to my athletic self. I do have vices, and God knows I wouldn’t want to spend more than I should just to soothe myself. So ’nuff with that shit, I’m putting myself on a minimum consumption of those vices of mine.
- Be more observant. That means I should talk less & watch more. It’s going to be hard for me, but it’s worth a shot. I mean, I could observe and talk at the same time, but I would want to improve my observation skills. This might scare some people off, but meh. Who cares, right?
I think I’ve made a productive list, and I deserve a high-five. I got exactly one year to achieve most of these things. So tell me, my dear few readers, where should I start? And do you think you can keep up with this kind of resolution? I do have a comment box, use that shit.
With 2013 just creeping around the corner, rather than having to post what I want for my New Year Resolution, I’d rather have myself write about the things I want to say to certain people or a certain person. That should be a good start, right? This might seem like a personal post (well, it kind of is), but this should give you some sort of inspiration to bury the hatchet, shoot the target, or just plain beat around the bush.
I would like to set the tone on how my relationships with my friends would be like this 2013 after this blog post. And for those of you who really are reading and following what I write here, you’re in for a world of what-the-fucks and holy-shits.
To my friends who are in long term relationships, keep it up. We’ve all been friends for almost seven years now, we wouldn’t want to ruin it just ‘coz you guys broke up. And if there is a chance that you guys break up, make sure we single friends of yours don’t get in the middle of it. Don’t make us choose sides.
To my still-single brothers, I have no plan on leaving you guys in the air. We party ’til the break of dawn if we have to. Our bond as bros shall never be torn apart by women or jobs, even if women+jobs sound a bit tempting in some sleazy way.
To the girl that I made a wrong decision of feeling something close to love, if you read my blog, then you must know who you are. I wanted to tell you to stay away from me for reasons that just cannot be explained at this moment (I’d probably would if you decided to up and ask me). You clearly have issues that you haven’t gotten over with. You won’t probably get over it unless you’ve accepted the reasons why he’s not with you.
Liking you was a wrong move on my part. I really shouldn’t be attracted to damsels-in-distress, it’s a bad friggin’ idea. You’re not exactly the kind of girl I’ve always wanted, but you seemed to have piqued my interest on a different level. You’re crazy enough for me, but my friend was right, puro na lang ikaw (Google translate this, if you’d like). You don’t want to admit it, but you’re a very high maintenance kind of girl. So why the fuck am I so attracted to you?
God knows why, but ’nuff of it though. Even I don’t want to know anymore. It’s not like you know how much I like you. I’ve pretty much done an accidentally great job of not telling a soul about it. And for that, I’ll throw myself a self-five.
This blog post may not reach the people who I intend to hit with the words that I write, but to hell with it, right? There’s no law out there saying that I’m not allowed to say shit on my blog (yes, I’m talking to you Senator Sotto). Don’t plan on changing the Internet way of life, ‘coz the Internet will fuck you up if you do. It’s just the way it is, accept it.
So friends, 2013 is just there waiting for us. I plan on changing just the way I am physically, that’s it. Maybe a little fix on some personality kinks, but meh, no one’s complaining. What about you?
So me and my friends were watching a fireworks display right outside the window of our hotel room, when we got to look down and saw a group of tents just a few blocks away from where we were at.
It was kind of like Mercato and Banchetto, only it’s called Cucina Andare. Tagline says that it’s the first ever food truck market in the Philippines. I’m not even going to try and say anything about that since I’m not planning on making a review about a whole food market.
While trying to look for the ever-elusive Juicy Lucy, we did find a stall close to what the Juicy Lucy really is. But no, we decided not to go through with it ‘coz it ain’t like the original. Aimlessly walking through the market, we found this food truck with a very tempting color.
It’s called Shawarma Bros. My friends and I went there and ordered six lamb shawarma rice, and one chicken shawarma rice. Although one friend of mine expected that it would be in a pita bread, I didn’t mind eating it with rice.
So I got one of the six lamb shawarma rice meals, and had it sauced all over with garlic mayo & spicy tomato. It was all good, considering that we were able to find a decent spot and all. But the buzz kill was the fact that the lamb was slightly overcooked, and the meat on the bone itself was a bit rubbery. They seasoned the friggin’ rice way too much for our liking.
Overall, it could’ve been nice if they put a bit of variety to their menu. It was an average experience, to be honest.
Service – 8/10
Food – 6/10
Amenities – 7/10
Ambiance – 8/10
OVERALL – 7.25/10
Back then, I wasn’t the kind of kid who stays in one place. I got used to running around, meeting new friends, playing in the dirt for hours ’til sunset. But yeah, I had a lot of energy back then. I was in the boy’s volleyball team back in 4th grade, soccer team in 5th grade, and the track team in 6th grade. I won medals and all that shit, but that didn’t mean much to me back then because we never really had a pure athlete in the family. Though I did plan to be the first one, but obviously, I failed miserably.
Sure, excuses are for pussies. I had my reasons, but I never really thought of them as valid enough to give up on it. First, I’m injury-prone as a kid. I had 21 stitches right across my forehead, broken my left arm, and busted my knee, all before I graduated primary school.
Second, I felt that I didn’t have enough support from my family, my mom for the most part. I mean, I did, at one point, felt that they were supporting me. But it was just never consistent enough for me to pursue what I wanted that time. There’s this qualifying tournament for nationals when I was in the track team, and my mom did not let me compete just ‘coz I came home late that time. Some of you might say that my mom was right to not let me compete that time. Discipline and all. But you guys should know, I came home late ‘coz I was coming home from a practice that ran late. Motivational speeches from the coach & some of the seniors, I’m pretty sure you know how that goes. I did explain, but you know some parents tend to not believe the things their kids say at that point.
Lastly, transferring to a school that does not have a track team or a soccer team did not help at all. I didn’t have the chance to enroll in summer clinics to expand my network. I was supposed to enroll to a school that has those two sports that I was into that time, but then I didn’t know what happened to that. I seriously did not have a clue about what transpired during my pre-high school summer.
Sure, maybe I should’ve switched sports that time. Maybe that might’ve been a better choice for me, considering that I also love playing basketball. But really, all that motivation that I had before got lost when the summer of ’03 passed. I am trying to get back on track now that it’s almost 2013.
Again, ’nuff about that. I’ve had this streak of talking about myself lately, so let’s just get on with it. Remember that girl I was talking about for the past three posts? I’ve known this for the longest time now, and I’ve already learned to accept it for what it really is. I have no chance on being the boyfriend of this girl. Why? I mean, come on, she friggin’ dates rockstars. What does an average guy have on that? I barely know how to play instruments. I don’t have a rockstar lifestyle. I don’t have a car (come on, an average chap can compete if he has a presentable car, and even I don’t have that shit). I don’t have a fat bank account. All the shit that I have are mostly abstract at this point. I’m street-smart enough to impress some people, I can write poetry & songs (which is sometimes pathetic), and I can sometimes talk my way through certain situations. That’s about it.
Plus, if you do follow my Twitter account, you’ll see that I tweeted about her being in love with someone else. And tell you what, if you plan on following how this shit goes for me, wait until I post my next one.
I should say that this time in my life, I should be on halt with the kind of things that can possibly ruin myself. I just got home from a very challenging trek in Paete, Laguna through its famous mountain path to the place they call Tatlong Krus (Three Crosses). I was with five other friends, and I was actually ecstatic that they were the ones I was with that time. Roy and I are two very unfit people, but we pushed ourselves to our personal limits even though we keep on complaining that we sometimes could not catch up to the pace of our two US Air Force friends who were on the head end of the group. This was definitely something to remember. I mean, come on. I was complaining about my stamina, that sometimes I couldn’t catch my breath, that my left knee was fucking the experience up, or that I’m just too fat for this kind of trek. And come on, we did this in the dark. If we didn’t have any flashlights, the whole trail would be pitch black. It didn’t help the Reia, the sole female in the group, was paranoid about the fact that she heard a story about someone getting stabbed and killed on the way up. Well, I can’t blame her though. We did see a drunk dude carrying a big-ass machete on the way up. But I guess he was too drunk to even keep his eyes open. At the end of the trek, I was half-expecting that someone will trip or something, ‘coz that’s how it is with these kinds of adventures. Accidents happen last. And yes, I stepped on a loose rock at the entrance of the town and twisted my right ankle. Now it hurts like a bitch now that we’re back in Manila.
‘Nuff about that, though. I’m pretty sure that if you follow the shit I write, you’d want to know what happened between me and that girl I like. Well, none of the shit I want to happen happened. Why? I think too much to even make a fuckin’ move. I mean, I did try. We were in the middle of a road-trip that time, and she was sleeping, bobbing her head sideways, couldn’t find a comfortable position. I asked her three times if she wanted to lean her head against mine. The third time I choked, ‘coz she asked what my question was, and I just said “you okay?”. Really, I guess I was just thinking too much. Not that I’m underselling myself, but she’s in love with another guy. It’s obvious, and I know it. I ended up feeling these things despite that fact. I suck at this.
But hey, at least starting right now, all the shit I’ve been through this 2012 is about to be over. I will consistently try to work the shit out of my system as soon as my ankle heals up.
P.S. I’ll probably edit this post as soon as the photos gets uploaded. Photo proof and all.
I honestly do not know how to start a topic like this because I’m kind of buzzed right now. But worry not, I shall try my best to document & publish these thoughts of mine just for the hell of it. And because I really don’t have shit to do at one in the morning if I ain’t sleepy yet. Man, I shouldn’t be staying up this late. I got a job interview tomorrow. -_-
As a dude, I’m not exactly appealing to the eye, but I’m not that ugly. I’m probably in the borderline of handsome and ugly. Not cute. Probably average. I didn’t really put much effort onto having my Facebook sound or look like a Curriculum Vitae for dating. But I do make it clear of how I determine if I like the girl, and that’s an interesting thing to talk about for this very random post, right?
My principles for dating a woman are as follows:
- Never over or under four (4) years of age gap. Why? I’m 21 years of age, and dating a 16 year old chick isn’t really impressive. As with 26 year old women, they will have demands like getting married, like hinting that they want three kids, like asking why you still live with your parents, etc etc etc. At 21, you’d just want the right kind of gap that is on the very thin line of mature & immature. But of course my friends, there are always exceptions.
- If she doesn’t like my friends, say bye-bye. This is a staple, since I treat my friends as if they’re my second family. If she doesn’t like them for the way they are and thinks they suck to hang out with, then the bitch better be gone before happy hour.
- If she’s a gamer, date her, but if she games more than you, just befriend her. Okay, for some this is a bit ridiculous since I know ever gamer dude wants their gamer chick girlfriend. I mean, who doesn’t? But at this point, you gotta realize that if she games more than me, she’s not going to look like the chick I’ve always imagined. It’s fun to talk to girlfriends about a certain build of a Half-Demon Thief in Neverwinter Nights 2, but if she knows that shit better than you, dude, you either have a geeky girl or a demanding “do-this-do-that-why-the-fuck-did-you-level-that-pathetic-excuse-of-a-skill-that-cost-10-skill-points-you-noob?” kind of girlfriend. I know it doesn’t make sense, but that’s just me.
Those are just some of the three things I usually follow when I plan on dating someone. If it goes two out of three, she’s got to go. In truth though, I’m writing this just to feel good about myself, that I have these things to keep in mind to avoid making mistakes. It keeps me sane that I don’t have to like this 28 year old chick, who bro-zoned me before I could even like her, not that I was planning on liking her but I did and it’s just fucking me up in the brain right now that shit like this could happen. And it didn’t help at all with me dreaming about her for three consecutive nights, it’s just not me, and it’s too cheesy. Ugh. Fuck my life.