There are things that I’ve been specific about when it comes to my vulnerability. I’ve never liked being able to tear my walls down and be exposed since people expect so much more of me. Believe this, that when the time comes to build new walls, someone out there will find a way to unintentionally demolish them. So I guess, with the exception of clowns, my deepest fear is that I’m prone to being vulnerable and I’m afraid that someone will take advantage of it.
This is a queer thing to write about because of its irony. I’m writing about being a skinless man, doused in honey, while being hog-tied to a pole on top of an ant hill. Figuratively, of course. This is my first post in a long, long while and I find it really funny that I haven’t done this weeks ago.
I’ve come to a situation in my life where I got vulnerable. For the past few years, I thought I was a titan, or even a Greek God that didn’t care about what love is. Exaggeration aside, I was happy that I was alone, a rarity these days if you ask me. I know what I wanted, and got it when I claimed it. But there will always be a part of me that’s going to want more. And this, my friends, is the story of how the walls of my godlike invulnerability came crashing down.
For two to three years, I’ve tried my best to just love what being single is all about. I’ve tried my best to show to everyone that a guy like me who has had relationships one after another in the past, can be alone for a long time and actually thrive in it. I’ve tried to give out the best kind of advice appropriate to the situation a friend is in. But why is it, when I thought that I might actually get out of it in one piece, a girl (or two) will just tear me down like a rejection letter from an Ivy league school?
I’m not actually hating on them, but you can say I’m bitter to a fault. I’d like to think that I’ve matured well enough to know what I should or should not do. I can say that despite my witty jokes, sound advice, and bad-mouth expressions, I’m still an emotional kid who didn’t know the right timing for big decisions. I’m going to skip all the nonsensical emotional bullshit that I’ve said in the past because it’s pathetic. It’s not me, I think…
I just want to be wanted by someone who would appreciate everything I’ve done and will do for them in the future. I just want to feel that kind of love that keeps you up all night not because it’s paired with insomnia, but because she actually liked staying up late with me.
But no, that’s not the kind of love I’ll get right now, and that’s not the kind of life I want to live right now. I’m probably in denial, but if happiness means that I have to put the same walls I had a few months ago, that I will do. Because I’m done with all the bullshit for now. It stinks. Now I’m cleaning house.
Here I am, an hour and a half away from 2013, writing about another “How-To” requested by a friend of mine. This would probably suck, but then again, this might help you hopeless perverts-slash-romantics out there.
One thing that’s constant about us young adults is that we sometimes never fail to think about the opposite sex. With young adults, I mean us early twenty-to-thirty people. If you’re 13-16 years old, don’t even consider yourself as a young adult. Yeah sure, you might be a bit more mature than most of the people in my age group, but you’re still not allowed to vote. NOTE: No, I’m not directing this message to anyone.
Anyway, just to help you ladies out, I’ll probably list out some things that you need to keep in mind if you want a guy to go crazy over you. Remember this though, I’m an average guy who’s going to write about a “How-To” for ladies who are kind of bewildered of the fact that a guy is not crazy about ’em. This could work, but you should always assume that the guy you like doesn’t like the quarter of what I’ll list here. So here goes…
- Smile at us. Unless of course, you have yellowish buck teeth and blackish gum line. A smile goes a long way for us dudes. You can give us those signals that you like us, but that is a bitch. You’ll end up making us think that you’re just smiling just cause, but no. You know what I mean? Thus, these signals make us crazy. We won’t stop thinking about you.
- Play with us. It could be a video game, a card game, a sport, or just plain messing around. Any sort of interaction with us through our favorite hobby is golden. You could always pretend that you like doing it, but you know it’s always plus points for sincerity.
- Don’t try too hard. If you like a sporty guy, don’t initiate a conversation about how Kobe got to the 30,000 point mark and mistaking him for a white guy with blonde hair and short shorts. You can always ask us questions about what we are watching. Like, how did Cain Velasquez beat the shit out of Junior Dos Santos. Or how did the Los Angeles Clippers get to a 17 win streak. Like I said, you can always pretend that you’re interested, but sincerity goes a very long way with us. I could easily say that this #3 is the “Don’t be dumb” part of my list, but just hold your horses. I ain’t even done yet.
- Don’t be afraid to be stupid with us. By stupid, I mean don’t be afraid to embarrass yourself in front of us. If you suddenly spray out your drink through your nose because you laughed the fuck out of our joke, it’s okay. We made you laugh, and that’s something. Hurting your nostrils is just a bonus. HA HA HA.
- Do something sexy but subtle. A slight brush of your hand on our arm, a hug with a kiss on the cheek, leaning of your head on our shoulder because you’re kinda drunk or sleepy, or even just winking at us when we smile back at you when you did the #1 on my list. I find this sexy because the subtlety of this kind of action is too much for us to handle if we somewhat find you attractive.
- Don’t do any of this shit if we already rejected you in some way, or gave you an impression that a relationship with you is not on our mind right now. You could probably do #1, but any other item in this list could end up as irritable to us. High five, ladies.
Believe me, ladies, I tried my best to be as objective as possible while writing this. Lucky for me, this did not end up as “Mr. Juan Tamad’s guide if ladies want him to go crazy for them”, ‘coz that’s just bull.
2013 is just 30 minutes away ladies, you think you can make us guys crazy before midnight?
Back then, I wasn’t the kind of kid who stays in one place. I got used to running around, meeting new friends, playing in the dirt for hours ’til sunset. But yeah, I had a lot of energy back then. I was in the boy’s volleyball team back in 4th grade, soccer team in 5th grade, and the track team in 6th grade. I won medals and all that shit, but that didn’t mean much to me back then because we never really had a pure athlete in the family. Though I did plan to be the first one, but obviously, I failed miserably.
Sure, excuses are for pussies. I had my reasons, but I never really thought of them as valid enough to give up on it. First, I’m injury-prone as a kid. I had 21 stitches right across my forehead, broken my left arm, and busted my knee, all before I graduated primary school.
Second, I felt that I didn’t have enough support from my family, my mom for the most part. I mean, I did, at one point, felt that they were supporting me. But it was just never consistent enough for me to pursue what I wanted that time. There’s this qualifying tournament for nationals when I was in the track team, and my mom did not let me compete just ‘coz I came home late that time. Some of you might say that my mom was right to not let me compete that time. Discipline and all. But you guys should know, I came home late ‘coz I was coming home from a practice that ran late. Motivational speeches from the coach & some of the seniors, I’m pretty sure you know how that goes. I did explain, but you know some parents tend to not believe the things their kids say at that point.
Lastly, transferring to a school that does not have a track team or a soccer team did not help at all. I didn’t have the chance to enroll in summer clinics to expand my network. I was supposed to enroll to a school that has those two sports that I was into that time, but then I didn’t know what happened to that. I seriously did not have a clue about what transpired during my pre-high school summer.
Sure, maybe I should’ve switched sports that time. Maybe that might’ve been a better choice for me, considering that I also love playing basketball. But really, all that motivation that I had before got lost when the summer of ’03 passed. I am trying to get back on track now that it’s almost 2013.
Again, ’nuff about that. I’ve had this streak of talking about myself lately, so let’s just get on with it. Remember that girl I was talking about for the past three posts? I’ve known this for the longest time now, and I’ve already learned to accept it for what it really is. I have no chance on being the boyfriend of this girl. Why? I mean, come on, she friggin’ dates rockstars. What does an average guy have on that? I barely know how to play instruments. I don’t have a rockstar lifestyle. I don’t have a car (come on, an average chap can compete if he has a presentable car, and even I don’t have that shit). I don’t have a fat bank account. All the shit that I have are mostly abstract at this point. I’m street-smart enough to impress some people, I can write poetry & songs (which is sometimes pathetic), and I can sometimes talk my way through certain situations. That’s about it.
Plus, if you do follow my Twitter account, you’ll see that I tweeted about her being in love with someone else. And tell you what, if you plan on following how this shit goes for me, wait until I post my next one.